Let’s start with, ‘I’m GREAT, FANTASTIC, AND QUITE WONDERFUL, AND SOME DAYS, I’M DOWNRIGHT AWESOME!!” I’m not great, fantastic and wonderful because I have a fulfilling career, a beautiful, talented family, or because I’m in reasonably good health. I’m great, fantastic and wonderful because of what’s on the inside of me. I’m great, fantastic and wonderful because of what I’ve endured to get to this place in my life. All the hurt, pain, fears and tears that now show up as strength, perseverance, and power.
As a five year old being molested by my father, I had no voice – I was silent and no one spoke for me. I cried and no one heard. As a promiscuous teenager, I had no voice, just a body. As a young adult, I was a tortured, haunted soul without a voice.
I was forty-one years old before I found my VOICE and I, like many survivors, once we find our VOICE we want everyone to know, because it frees us. Frees us of blame, guilt, and shame. Frees us to explore the world without fear. Frees us to raise our children, be good spouses, be good people, be good period. I use the word good, not in good vs bad, but good in as rich, pure, and wholesome.
Many survivors who are reading this are wondering how I got so good, so rich, pure and wholesome. Counselors, therapists or doctors are wondering, ‘How can I get my clients to feel this good, rich, pure and wholesome?’
It’s all in your head, in your heart and in your gut. You’ve got to think it, believe it and feel it. You’ve got to want it more than you want the alternative. But the alternative holds something for us. As long as we are identified as a ‘victim’ or even ‘survivor’, it buys us something. Long ago I looked up the word survivor and it means someone who ‘outlast or outlive something or someone or some circumstance.”
I don’t want to simply outlast my circumstances. I want more than to just ‘outlive’ what happened to me. I want to be triumphant!!! I want to conquer. I want to wrestle this beast to the ground.
Being a survivor, bought me something, (and I’m only speaking for myself). It bought me irresponsibility. I could always fall back on my past when I didn’t do my best or as a reason for anything that went wrong in my life. When all else failed, I could always blame being sexually abused as a child. When I wasn’t being a good wife, a good mother, a good person, I always came back to this.
In the mid-90’s sexual abuse was all in the papers, on television and radio. Hundreds of books were written. We had been RECOGNIZED! People rallied in our defense. “Oh, don’t bother her, she was abused.” “Don’t expect anymore from her, she was abused.” They even gave us the month of April as National Child Abuse Awareness Month!!! Oh my God!! We had arrived.
And then came the conferences full of survivors searching for that one workshop, one speaker, who was going to release us from our pain. Many people are waiting to not remember their abuse as a sign that they are healthy. No, that’ll never happen. You’ll always remember. Some people are waiting for the abuser to apologize. Good luck with that! Some people are waiting for divine intervention!! Stop waiting. Think, believe, and feel what you want. There’s something different from what you to have now. You know there’s something other than what you believe now. You know that there’s something better than what you feel now.
I realized at age forty-three that it was my responsibility, through whatever fog I was in, to clear a path for not just myself, but for others. It became my mission to heal myself so that I can help others feel the freedom that only comes with self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. My voice came when I wrote letters that became my first book, “Daddy Don’t-Letters To My Father (A Story of Incest)”.
You’ve got to find that motivating factor in your life and ride its momentum all the way to good health. Restart Your Life, Inc. will deliver an informative and inspirational lecture, workshop or conference for your agency or organization.
To design a program for your needs, contact
513.470.9349 or [email protected] www.restartyourlifenow.org
As a five year old being molested by my father, I had no voice – I was silent and no one spoke for me. I cried and no one heard. As a promiscuous teenager, I had no voice, just a body. As a young adult, I was a tortured, haunted soul without a voice.
I was forty-one years old before I found my VOICE and I, like many survivors, once we find our VOICE we want everyone to know, because it frees us. Frees us of blame, guilt, and shame. Frees us to explore the world without fear. Frees us to raise our children, be good spouses, be good people, be good period. I use the word good, not in good vs bad, but good in as rich, pure, and wholesome.
Many survivors who are reading this are wondering how I got so good, so rich, pure and wholesome. Counselors, therapists or doctors are wondering, ‘How can I get my clients to feel this good, rich, pure and wholesome?’
It’s all in your head, in your heart and in your gut. You’ve got to think it, believe it and feel it. You’ve got to want it more than you want the alternative. But the alternative holds something for us. As long as we are identified as a ‘victim’ or even ‘survivor’, it buys us something. Long ago I looked up the word survivor and it means someone who ‘outlast or outlive something or someone or some circumstance.”
I don’t want to simply outlast my circumstances. I want more than to just ‘outlive’ what happened to me. I want to be triumphant!!! I want to conquer. I want to wrestle this beast to the ground.
Being a survivor, bought me something, (and I’m only speaking for myself). It bought me irresponsibility. I could always fall back on my past when I didn’t do my best or as a reason for anything that went wrong in my life. When all else failed, I could always blame being sexually abused as a child. When I wasn’t being a good wife, a good mother, a good person, I always came back to this.
In the mid-90’s sexual abuse was all in the papers, on television and radio. Hundreds of books were written. We had been RECOGNIZED! People rallied in our defense. “Oh, don’t bother her, she was abused.” “Don’t expect anymore from her, she was abused.” They even gave us the month of April as National Child Abuse Awareness Month!!! Oh my God!! We had arrived.
And then came the conferences full of survivors searching for that one workshop, one speaker, who was going to release us from our pain. Many people are waiting to not remember their abuse as a sign that they are healthy. No, that’ll never happen. You’ll always remember. Some people are waiting for the abuser to apologize. Good luck with that! Some people are waiting for divine intervention!! Stop waiting. Think, believe, and feel what you want. There’s something different from what you to have now. You know there’s something other than what you believe now. You know that there’s something better than what you feel now.
I realized at age forty-three that it was my responsibility, through whatever fog I was in, to clear a path for not just myself, but for others. It became my mission to heal myself so that I can help others feel the freedom that only comes with self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. My voice came when I wrote letters that became my first book, “Daddy Don’t-Letters To My Father (A Story of Incest)”.
You’ve got to find that motivating factor in your life and ride its momentum all the way to good health. Restart Your Life, Inc. will deliver an informative and inspirational lecture, workshop or conference for your agency or organization.
To design a program for your needs, contact
513.470.9349 or [email protected] www.restartyourlifenow.org
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